...wait, so he and Epsilon WERE a thing? I thought I was just fuckin' with 'em.
Well, yeah, that's true. Maybe it's 'cause Epsilon didn't have a bunch of memories, maybe? I mean, I know there's differences in personality, Epsilon had a bit more chill, a little less run, I'm just used to.... [Waves a hand in the air.] Different...ways of moving. I guess. Between alternates.
Wasn't sure if that was an AI thing or a them thing.
[ If she says yes and Puma finds out, he will kill her. He's in charge of her training schedule, it’s totally a thing he could do. ]
Well … They're very important to each other. [ There. It’s ambiguous and cryptic. ]
[ TIME TO EAT SOUP. Despite being hungry, she takes her time with it — and promptly lights up. ] Roxy-san, this is really good! [ A few more spoonfuls disappear while she considers her response. ]
It’s … mm. When it comes to those two … [ Swirls her spoon gently through the soup. ] They're so closely connected that there’s bound to be — echoes. So I'd call it a "them" thing.
I found the shard. Of Epsilon....well, on his end, it's hard to fig out what happened exactly, but I get that Puma was at ground zero. And noticed the back of his neck... [She shrugs.]
So I get the whole...complications that are going on with those three.
[She shrugs, getting herself a small bowl.] I'm just used to nonverb communication, so I'm usually good with 'same face, diff person' because the nonverb stuff ends up different. It's weird to see three peeps that confuse me.
[ For a moment, Aoko's horror is plain to see, writ into the widening of her eyes and the way her fingers fumble on the spoon – not quite dropping it, but close. ]
[ Swirls the spoon through her soup, watching the gentle ripples more than Roxy. It’s weird to talk about this with somebody other than Puma himself, or even — more rarely — Kaito. Aoko isn't sure how much she can say without breaching his privacy more than shard roulette already has. ]
It … it left scars. For Puma-nii. He was in a coma for over a day when he got it back. [ She busies herself with a few slow, thoughtful sips of soup. ] Nobody else found it … [ Small mercies. Not everyone could have come around so quickly — she knows she couldn't have. ]
… What do you think of it? The way our shards all get mixed up.
I'm not surprised. Epsilon's was more emotions than anything. Just...emotions that were identifiable if you've ever felt 'em before. [Vague on whether they're her feelings or another shard.] He's pretty strong to come out of it that quick. Also probably some level of cray cray, but I'm p sure everyone here is eventaully.
....
[She takes a sip of her soup. Quiet for a minute.]
There's pros and cons. It can be dangerous. With people who have had lives like Puma, or Epsilon. People who have seen a lot of death, torture, been villains 'cause they were broken, died themselves...it can get terrifying, when you know your life sucks, and you know others are going to find those shards.
Or when the first shard comes up that shows how fucked up it is, and you have people look at you with pity you don't understand, or you have to tell your bright eyed newbie that things are going bad.
On the other hand...
[She looks down at her soup, a thoughtful look on her face.]
I didn't grow up with humans. They were aliens. Mute chess people with p fatalistic views. Overdramatic, prone to panic, and reproduced by cloning. So....kind of a warped childhood.
[She closes her eyes.] I remember the first time I saw a city. It was...full of so many people. Didn't even know the names of the people around me, there were just so many.
What it's like to be in an amusement park.
Or be at a concert.
Parties, soccer games, dinner parties, live music, going to school with friends.
[She smiles and opens her eyes.] All these things were so....beyond my ability to really comprehend. People would talk about shit that was normal for humans I never got to see. But with the shards, I'm able to learn things I never had the chance to.
I guess I'm an extreme case, but....but sometimes it's easier to learn the lessons you should learn when you see it from the eyes of someone who has.
[ It's a more detailed, thoughtful answer than Aoko had been expecting. Then again … from little she knows of Roxy, she really shouldn't be surprised. ]
I think I can understand … I mean, it's different for me, of course; I grew up surrounded by normal, regular humans on twenty first century Earth, with no magic, or supernatural powers, or anything like that. [ She's as normal as it gets, in other words. ] But the rest … [ A small smile. ] It's kinda cool that it's given you the opportunity to learn and grow as a person.
Hm, it has. I think I'll be able to do a lot more good now. I was really used to such an isolated world, but now....well, now I kind of know what I want to do with my life, I guess.
Though I'm sure it ain't just me. If nothin' else, the weird has probs taught you stuff.
[ Aoko finally starts in on her soup again, her smile a touch brighter. ]
Some stuff. [ She echoes, ducking her head. ] You can't live in a place like this and not learn. But, uhm ... [ There's another reason why she asked that question. ] I was actually ... Roxy-san, I was wondering if you'd be willing to help me with a quest? It involves sharing memories, so I'd more than understand if you'd rather not.
[ She fishes two packs of gummy dinosaurs out of her pocket. ]
These dinosaurs [ holds up the first pack ] are for sharing my memories. I, uhm, I don't get to pick which memory you see … so … it could be something awful. [ a slight wince, like she's embarrassed. ] And these ones are for people to share their memories with me. You don't have to do that, if you don't want to.
[ The beginning is normal enough, as games go. You're wary, trying not to feel nauseated at the thought of being in this awful place again, angry that these two siblings would cheerfully toy with people's lives. Still, that doesn't stop you from greeting Nimbus kindly … even when she talks about wishing she'd killed Elaeis, wishing she'd killed Lucky. (It's not Elaeis fault! you think. I understand your feelings, but please … it wasn't their fault, everybody would have been murdered if they hadn't played along!)
But then you're forced into the room, and you can feel the hunger gnawing at you. You hear the rules, and you think—no. No, no, no. You will not do this, they cannot force you to do this. You will refuse until your dying breath if that's what it takes.
…
Suddenly, you're in a completely different room. Suddenly, everything is very, very strange – confused, two memories of the same incident overlapping and overlaying and you don't know which is which; you don't know which is real. It's a mess and the memories is just one memory, isn't it, there are no boundaries or lines it's all one thing but no it's not, or is it?
“It’s hard, isn’t it?” He keeps moving forward, steadily. “It’s a lot to hold in. It’s okay. Just for a moment, you can let go. It’s okay.”
You don't (you do) fight back when he pulls you into his arms. The knife slides into your neck (hits you in the windpipe; you're dying but you're not dead yet) and you're (kicking him in the balls and slamming the knife through your own temple) dead in seconds, only to find yourself still there, a ghost watching your own corpse being devoured, until all that's left is tattered clothing and the odd clump of bloody hair. ]
[There's a bunch of familiar feelings. The gnawing hunger. The fear of being eaten. The savagery of seeing something eaten by one starving, though never a corpse like that, at least not that you remember, because you died before entering the game, and your corpse is somewhere for the Carapacians, isn't it?]
[That won't be fun to remember.]
[For a good.....sixty seconds, she just stands there, face blank, staring at the wall.]
[Then she turns her back to Aoko, holding her hands over the counter, making a shitton of pumpkins, and starts cutting them with a rather intense fervor.]
[ Aoko watches nervously the whole time, soup forgotten, hands folded on top of the table in front of her. Let it be good, please, please let it be good. By the first two seconds of that blank, staring face, nerves have turned to dread. By the half minute mark, one hand has jumped to her scarf – she's half out of her seat and reaching out towards Roxy when she finally, abruptly moves. ]
[ It's almost funny, how long it can take for something to click when you really, truly, deeply, passionately don't want it to be true. ]
[ There are only a few reasons why somebody would ask her about that place and the scarf after seeing one of her memories. ]
…
[ Aoko has to remind herself to breathe. Forces herself to stand up, hands braced on the table. ]
It. No. [ Oh, god, this was a bad idea and she shoves herself back from the table, striding over towards Roxy. ] No, it wasn't – Roxy-san, I'm so sorry – what did you see?
[She just keeps cutting, portioning things, and even cutting up the stems into thin slices. How best to handle this? She's preparing food, that's helping her freak out, but Aoko will freak out because that's horrific and....]
[She lifts up a leg and tugs up the legging. Showing off scars on her legs.]
[Teeth marks.]
[Very....human like jaw teeth marks.]
[And will just...stand with her leg up until it registers and go back to her chopping.]
[ Whatever else she might have said dies in her throat. Just shrivels right up and rots there, gagging her. ]
[ It happened to Roxy, too. ]
[ It happened to Roxy and then she saw Solei—Aoko, she's Aoko. Aoko, in Ratatoskr's dorm, in Kyriakos, day two hundred and twenty eight. Aoko, Ratatoskr's dorm, Kyriakos, two-two-eight. Aoko. Ratatoskr's dorm. Kyriakos. Two-two-eight. ]
[ There's a horrible couple of seconds there where Aoko isn't even breathing, that familiar surge of panic rising up to choke her. She swallows it down, makes herself breath. (Remembers how Puma calmed himself without letting herself remember how she remembers that.) ]
It was more....sad for me, than anything. I grew up on an artificial island. An alien ghetto. There wasn't a lot of food mostly seafoods and seagulls and pumpkins after a certain point. And Carapacians....Carapacians have poor impulse control even under norm circumstances.
[She stops chopping and steps away from the counter. She holds out the knife and gestures for Aoko to stand where she was.]
So. I fed 'em. As best I could. 'Cause it wasn't their fault, not really, they just didn't have the control necessary to deal with their circumstances.
[ Numbly, as though moving under water, she steps up. Both hands are at her scarf now, gripping the fabric so tightly it's a wonder it doesn't tear. ]
… That still sounds … sounds horrifying. [ Focus. Focus, focus, focus. She, Aoko, isn't the one who just suffered through a traumatic memory. ] It must've been terrifying.
[ Slowly, hesitantly, she forces herself to let go of her scarf and reaches out to touch Roxy's arm. ]
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justichthys) wrote2015-03-18 11:06 pm
Re: Day 228, afternoon
[ They're gay robots. All of them. ]
… You don't think so? [ There's a short, thoughtful pause. ] Things are a little more complicated for them, anyway.
Re: Day 228, afternoon
Well, yeah, that's true. Maybe it's 'cause Epsilon didn't have a bunch of memories, maybe? I mean, I know there's differences in personality, Epsilon had a bit more chill, a little less run, I'm just used to.... [Waves a hand in the air.] Different...ways of moving. I guess. Between alternates.
Wasn't sure if that was an AI thing or a them thing.
[And serving up soup.]
Re: Day 228, afternoon
Well … They're very important to each other. [ There. It’s ambiguous and cryptic. ]
[ TIME TO EAT SOUP. Despite being hungry, she takes her time with it — and promptly lights up. ] Roxy-san, this is really good! [ A few more spoonfuls disappear while she considers her response. ]
It’s … mm. When it comes to those two … [ Swirls her spoon gently through the soup. ] They're so closely connected that there’s bound to be — echoes. So I'd call it a "them" thing.
Re: Day 228, afternoon
[She pauses, looking at her thoughtfully, and-]
I found the shard. Of Epsilon....well, on his end, it's hard to fig out what happened exactly, but I get that Puma was at ground zero. And noticed the back of his neck... [She shrugs.]
So I get the whole...complications that are going on with those three.
[She shrugs, getting herself a small bowl.] I'm just used to nonverb communication, so I'm usually good with 'same face, diff person' because the nonverb stuff ends up different. It's weird to see three peeps that confuse me.
Re: Day 228, afternoon
[ She found that shard?! ]
[ For a moment, Aoko's horror is plain to see, writ into the widening of her eyes and the way her fingers fumble on the spoon – not quite dropping it, but close. ]
Th, three? Do you mean Puma-nii as well?
Re: Day 228, afternoon
It's not all the time, like with Church and Epsilon. Just sometimes. Usually if I catch sight of him durin' or after a bad game.
Sol and I were the ones who saw it. Kind of lucky, probs. Since we'd been here so long. Better copin'.
Re: Day 228, afternoon
It … it left scars. For Puma-nii. He was in a coma for over a day when he got it back. [ She busies herself with a few slow, thoughtful sips of soup. ] Nobody else found it … [ Small mercies. Not everyone could have come around so quickly — she knows she couldn't have. ]
… What do you think of it? The way our shards all get mixed up.
Re: Day 228, afternoon
....
[She takes a sip of her soup. Quiet for a minute.]
There's pros and cons. It can be dangerous. With people who have had lives like Puma, or Epsilon. People who have seen a lot of death, torture, been villains 'cause they were broken, died themselves...it can get terrifying, when you know your life sucks, and you know others are going to find those shards.
Or when the first shard comes up that shows how fucked up it is, and you have people look at you with pity you don't understand, or you have to tell your bright eyed newbie that things are going bad.
On the other hand...
[She looks down at her soup, a thoughtful look on her face.]
I didn't grow up with humans. They were aliens. Mute chess people with p fatalistic views. Overdramatic, prone to panic, and reproduced by cloning. So....kind of a warped childhood.
[She closes her eyes.] I remember the first time I saw a city. It was...full of so many people. Didn't even know the names of the people around me, there were just so many.
What it's like to be in an amusement park.
Or be at a concert.
Parties, soccer games, dinner parties, live music, going to school with friends.
[She smiles and opens her eyes.] All these things were so....beyond my ability to really comprehend. People would talk about shit that was normal for humans I never got to see. But with the shards, I'm able to learn things I never had the chance to.
I guess I'm an extreme case, but....but sometimes it's easier to learn the lessons you should learn when you see it from the eyes of someone who has.
Re: Day 228, afternoon
I think I can understand … I mean, it's different for me, of course; I grew up surrounded by normal, regular humans on twenty first century Earth, with no magic, or supernatural powers, or anything like that. [ She's as normal as it gets, in other words. ] But the rest … [ A small smile. ] It's kinda cool that it's given you the opportunity to learn and grow as a person.
Re: Day 228, afternoon
Though I'm sure it ain't just me. If nothin' else, the weird has probs taught you stuff.
Re: Day 228, afternoon
[ Aoko finally starts in on her soup again, her smile a touch brighter. ]
Some stuff. [ She echoes, ducking her head. ] You can't live in a place like this and not learn. But, uhm ... [ There's another reason why she asked that question. ] I was actually ... Roxy-san, I was wondering if you'd be willing to help me with a quest? It involves sharing memories, so I'd more than understand if you'd rather not.
Re: Day 228, afternoon
A quest? Nah man, always up for helpin' with quests.
Re: Day 228, afternoon
These dinosaurs [ holds up the first pack ] are for sharing my memories. I, uhm, I don't get to pick which memory you see … so … it could be something awful. [ a slight wince, like she's embarrassed. ] And these ones are for people to share their memories with me. You don't have to do that, if you don't want to.
Re: Day 228, afternoon
Welp, I can take anything ya got. Lemme think on the giving, my memories are p much a crapshoot anyway,
Re: Day 228, afternoon
Thanks! I hope you get one of my good ones.
[ Please don't let it be as horrible as the one Church saw, please, please, please. ]
Re: Day 228, afternoon
[Gonna take a gummy worm.]
[She half thinks she might be jinxed though, but nomming away.]
Re: Day 228, afternoon
[ The beginning is normal enough, as games go. You're wary, trying not to feel nauseated at the thought of being in this awful place again, angry that these two siblings would cheerfully toy with people's lives. Still, that doesn't stop you from greeting Nimbus kindly … even when she talks about wishing she'd killed Elaeis, wishing she'd killed Lucky. (It's not Elaeis fault! you think. I understand your feelings, but please … it wasn't their fault, everybody would have been murdered if they hadn't played along!)
But then you're forced into the room, and you can feel the hunger gnawing at you. You hear the rules, and you think—no. No, no, no. You will not do this, they cannot force you to do this. You will refuse until your dying breath if that's what it takes.
…
Suddenly, you're in a completely different room. Suddenly, everything is very, very strange – confused, two memories of the same incident overlapping and overlaying and you don't know which is which; you don't know which is real. It's a mess and the memories is just one memory, isn't it, there are no boundaries or lines it's all one thing but no it's not, or is it?
“It’s hard, isn’t it?” He keeps moving forward, steadily. “It’s a lot to hold in. It’s okay. Just for a moment, you can let go. It’s okay.”
You don't (you do) fight back when he pulls you into his arms. The knife slides into your neck (hits you in the windpipe; you're dying but you're not dead yet) and you're (kicking him in the balls and slamming the knife through your own temple) dead in seconds, only to find yourself still there, a ghost watching your own corpse being devoured, until all that's left is tattered clothing and the odd clump of bloody hair. ]
Re: Day 228, afternoon
[There's a bunch of familiar feelings. The gnawing hunger. The fear of being eaten. The savagery of seeing something eaten by one starving, though never a corpse like that, at least not that you remember, because you died before entering the game, and your corpse is somewhere for the Carapacians, isn't it?]
[That won't be fun to remember.]
[For a good.....sixty seconds, she just stands there, face blank, staring at the wall.]
[Then she turns her back to Aoko, holding her hands over the counter, making a shitton of pumpkins, and starts cutting them with a rather intense fervor.]
You've always had the scarf.
Re: Day 228, afternoon
I –
[ She stares. ]
My … My scarf? Roxy-san – are you … [ okay? ]
Re: Day 228, afternoon
[But continues chop, chop, chopping away.]
So Kyr ain't your first rodeo in the teamnesia funhouse?
Re: Day 228, afternoon
[ There are only a few reasons why somebody would ask her about that place and the scarf after seeing one of her memories. ]
…
[ Aoko has to remind herself to breathe. Forces herself to stand up, hands braced on the table. ]
It. No. [ Oh, god, this was a bad idea and she shoves herself back from the table, striding over towards Roxy. ] No, it wasn't – Roxy-san, I'm so sorry – what did you see?
Re: Day 228, afternoon
[She lifts up a leg and tugs up the legging. Showing off scars on her legs.]
[Teeth marks.]
[Very....human like jaw teeth marks.]
[And will just...stand with her leg up until it registers and go back to her chopping.]
Re: Day 228, afternoon
[ It happened to Roxy, too. ]
[ It happened to Roxy and then she saw Solei—Aoko, she's Aoko. Aoko, in Ratatoskr's dorm, in Kyriakos, day two hundred and twenty eight. Aoko, Ratatoskr's dorm, Kyriakos, two-two-eight. Aoko. Ratatoskr's dorm. Kyriakos. Two-two-eight. ]
[ There's a horrible couple of seconds there where Aoko isn't even breathing, that familiar surge of panic rising up to choke her. She swallows it down, makes herself breath. (Remembers how Puma calmed himself without letting herself remember how she remembers that.) ]
Sh ... Shit.
Re: Day 228, afternoon
It was more....sad for me, than anything. I grew up on an artificial island. An alien ghetto. There wasn't a lot of food mostly seafoods and seagulls and pumpkins after a certain point. And Carapacians....Carapacians have poor impulse control even under norm circumstances.
[She stops chopping and steps away from the counter. She holds out the knife and gestures for Aoko to stand where she was.]
So. I fed 'em. As best I could. 'Cause it wasn't their fault, not really, they just didn't have the control necessary to deal with their circumstances.
Re: Day 228, afternoon
[ Numbly, as though moving under water, she steps up. Both hands are at her scarf now, gripping the fabric so tightly it's a wonder it doesn't tear. ]
… That still sounds … sounds horrifying. [ Focus. Focus, focus, focus. She, Aoko, isn't the one who just suffered through a traumatic memory. ] It must've been terrifying.
[ Slowly, hesitantly, she forces herself to let go of her scarf and reaches out to touch Roxy's arm. ]
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